Anger

Well, I finally lost it.

It was for a number of reason, the least of which was an email from my sister, but I was in the middle of a cluster headache, and after a cigarette, found myself replying to an email that was sent never expecting a reply.

This email was sent to my entire family, of whom I've asked to not be a part of, if it means that I constantly get bombarded with their

Jesus/God/Hannity forwards.

Enjoy.

Her email reads:

CBS DIDN'T STOP HIM- THIS IS GREAT

Good for him!!! Surprised CBS let him get away with this even though he's right

Andy Rooney said on '60 Minutes' a few weeks back:

'I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens...Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, which is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE ?

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.
I have the right 'NOT' to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.

When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling; it is the Law of Probability.

I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!

My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.

I think the police should have every right to shoot you if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop' in English, see the above lines.
I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.

We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.

I don't hate the rich I don't pity the poor

I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building.
It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say 'NO!'

I think tattoos and piercing's are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries!

I am sick of 'Political Correctness.' I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa ; so how can they be 'African-Americans'?? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else.

And if you don't like my point of view, tough...
I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA , AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD,INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!

I was asked to send this on if I agree or delete if I don't. It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God.. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having 'In God We Trust' on our money and having 'God' in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don't we just tell the 14% to BE QUIET!!! (AMEN)
If you agree, pass this on, if not delete.

And my reply:

(That's me, acting angry. I thank the academy.)

If I disagree, delete it? I think not...

First and foremost, Andy Rooney said it himself: "I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television."

Andy Rooney is good at what he does, complaining and making a television corporation money. He's paid to do this, and has been doing it for a very long time. Why do you think the producers didn't 'stop him'? $$$!

There's a lot of things I disagree with here, and you caught me on the right day. Sorry if you think it's weird or I'm off my rocker, but discussions and sharing of ideas is what makes this country great, yeah?

1. Being a minority makes you a victim of nothing but numbers? Obviously, this is a complete cop-out for the slander he slings in the sentences that follow this ridiculous, not to mention close-minded, opinion.

The incarceration rate in state or federal prison or jail for men was 1,384 per 100,000 residents, for women 134 per 100,000 residents. The rate for white men was 736 per 100,000, for black men 4,789 per 100,000, for Hispanic men 1,862 per 100,000. The rate for white women was 94 per 100,000, for black women 358 per 100,000, and for Hispanic women 152 per 100,000.
Source: Sabol, William J., PhD, Minton, Todd D., and Harrison, Paige M., Bureau of Justice Statistics, Prison and Jail Inmates at Midyear 2006 (Washington, DC: US Department of Justice, June 2007), NCJ217675, p. 9, Table 14.

Nearly 9 TIMES as many black men in prison as white men? Victim of numbers, indeed.


2. I believe that it's true that guns don't make you a killer, but how many times have you heard of a 10 year old, playing with a baseball bat he/she found, accidently beating his/her friend to death, or going for a joy-ride and running down some people? You may have, but I bet for every one of those incidents, there are 100 incidents involving guns. Why is this? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that guns were DESIGNED TO KILL! Hell, getting a gun may be just as easy as getting a driver's license and a car, and far less expensive...

3. Yes, if homosexuality is wrong to you, that's an opinion. 100% correct. In my opinion, drugs would be a far less problem if legalized and controlled by our government. In my opinion, pornography should be outlawed. In my opinion, oatmeal cookies are only good sans raisins. Guess what? My opinions, your opinions, or even the MAJORITY'S opinions should not dictate the law. Explain to me again how homosexual marriage is going to rip this country apart, because if you think that, then yes, that's a phobia.

4. "I have the right 'NOT' to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off." Did anyone actually read that? That's right, Andy. You have the God-given right of being intolerant of someone different than you. Everyone has the right to be an horse's ass.

5. What city are you talking about that is 70% black? Anyone? I don't have any citations to back this up, but I've been to jail...in Utah...and yeah, I'd say about 70% of the people I met and saw there were black. Again, this is Utah.

6. To be an American Citizen, you have to KNOW English, comprehend it, and be able to speak it. "You should HAVE to speak english?" Have fun on your trip to Mexico, Japan, Germany, or anywhere else in the world where English is a second language. Also, nice use of the occupations in that point. Keep perpetuating those stereo-types, Andy. What, no computer scientist, rocket engineers, doctors, lawyers, or grumpy old men squeezing every last drop out of their mediocre television career?

7. Why did your father and grandfather die? To allow people to leave a country? I'm sorry, did I miss something? And what disrespect? Don't try to tug at my heartstrings then spout your racist minutiae.

8. NO! The police SHOULD NOT have every right to shoot/kill you if they feel you are being threatening. What message does this send? If someone is threatening you, you have every right to use whatever means necessary to stop them? Hey, I could be a cop, at that point. No training, no regard for the public's safety. Just mow down any drunk that gets in your way. Very American.

9. You don't think immigrants should get help opening up businesses and furthering our economy? Why not? It's not like Americans are doing a cracker-jack job. No, don't bring revenue into our economy. Stay in Japan with your high-tech gizmos. Oh, but you weren't talking about Japanese folks, were you Andy?

10. I hate every rich person that has done nothing to deserve it, and I pity EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THE PLANET that are poor due to circumstances beyond their control...a lot of times due to the afore mentioned rich people.

11. There's a lot I could say about the 'living constitution' point, but I'll stick to the first few words of it. The United Stated does not go over to other countries to protect THEIR freedoms unless it is in OUR best interests. Africa is basically a entire continent riddled with genocide...and what are we doing to protect THEIR freedoms?!? Maybe once the price of gold sky-rockets we'll go protect their freedoms.

12. You're right, Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he makes. BUT HE DOESN'T!! He gives a greater percentage of his earning to charity than a vast number of million- and billion-aires. How much do you give, Andy? http://www.gatesfoundation.org/Pages/home.aspx

13. Burning bras was a political statement. Civilians wearing military uniforms was a political statement. ANYTHING can be a political statement. Is that what really bothers you about tattoos, piercings, and body modifications? Or is it that you are intolerant, as you say, of people that are different or 'weird'? By the way, I'm confident that I know, and love, far more people with these accessories than some of you, and I know of NOT ONE that did it to 'send a message to the man.'

14. I can agree that everyone that LIVES in America should be considered an American. Immigrants, refugees, and people whose ancestors were TAKEN AGAINST THEIR WILL...we're all American. Were your ancestors taken against their will? Why do you single out African-Americans? I think you know the answer to that, at least, Andy.

I've wasted my lunch hour responding to this email, and I'm glad I did, and I hope more of you do. If you don't like what someone has to say, or angry rhetoric that someone spews at you, DON'T JUST DELETE IT!! It's your right as an American and an individual to face it head on, discuss it, and maybe give someone perspective and a point of view that they don't want to acknowledge, but desperately need to see.

I love you all.

-Jonny

Prolly shouldn't have hit 'reply all', as it went to my entire family. Hindsight's 20/20, I guess.

T Minus...oh, shit.

Know what I like?

I'll tell you what I like.

I like banana seats. Today I rode my Schwinn around downtown for the last time for a while. It was spectacular.

Know what I don't like?

Stuffing my Pumas into my mouth.

Rode my Schwinn downtown to meet up with some friends, and locked it to the gate of the establishment at which we were meeting. This place is directly adjacent to a 4-5 story apartment building, and from past visits to the afore mentioned locale, I knew that this particular apt. building was full of...let's just say 'characters.' After a beer, a few cigarettes, and a game of Video Titty Hunt*, I decided to scat.

When I arrived at the scene, my bike was right where I left it, except no there was a disabled gentleman...uhm...parked right next to it. Can I just say 'guy in a wheelchair'? N E weighs, I've chit-chatted this guy up before. Nice guy. I'd go so far as to say a jokester. Keep in mind this gentleman, from what I could only assume, doesn't remember any prior conversations.

"How's it going?"

"Fine," he says.

As I approach my Schwinn.....Fuck, I can't believe I actually said this:

"Uhm, you weren't trying to hot-wire my bike, were ya?"

Cuz it's funny, ya know? Hot-wire a bike? Why, sir, that is bullocks. There's no ignition, no engine, no wires, no other stuff you need to hot-wire something else. I don't know how, so far all I know he COULD'VE been hot-wiring my bike. Funny, no? Ridiculous, at least...

Dude's in a wheelchair.

He smiled and kinda chuckled. That might have been the crack, however. Hopefully it was, so he won't remember that douche-bag that thought he was stealing a bike.

Now I'm unlocking my bike, and ka-blam, it hits me. I'm one of those people that other people hate. Ignorant. Stupid. And above all, uncaring.

"Have a nice day, freak." The words, they spew forth, relentlessly and without haste.

No, I didn't say that. I didn't say anything. What was I supposed to say? I could've said, 'Sorry, pal. He's a Ben Franklin. Go getcha summin nice.' It wouldn't have mattered what I said. Anything I said would have come out:

"Have a nice day, freak."

God, I hope that guy was high on crack.

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*Video Titty Hunt: A touch sensitive game in which players** find 5 subtle differences between two versions of the same nude, lewd, and rude picture. If you haven't played, it's much more difficult than you think, and more gross than it sounds.

**Bobby Fischer is to Chess as Josh Henderson*** is to Titty Hunt. Not that Josh couldn't do perfectly fine with pictures of dolphins, or Nissans, but...just saying.

***Superior to Ryan Segal at this game. Again, just saying...

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For fear of jinxing something (maybe I just did?!), I'm not going to mention anything about the happenings tomorrow...today...fuck...I need to finish packing.

I mean, drunk would be preferable, but at least crack. Oh, how sweet would it be if he was just fucking crazy, huh?

I'm going to hell. I hope they have tasty Pumas.

First Bloog: Part 1

Yeah, that's right...it's Jonny's bloog! I've been wanted to start one of these for a while, and Henderstein just published one, and you know how much I like to follow him everywhere. Prolly due to the sweet ass.

Hmmm...I really started this to keep up with friends and family whilst living in Toon Town, or rather so they can keep up with me. I love my family dearly, much more than they could know, and far more than I've expressed. But, after thinking about what to say, talk about, and bloog about, I decided that there's no fucking way in Christ that I'm going to let my highly religious, ultra-conservative family know what their son, brother, and uncle have been up to...

Family and friends, please visit my other, child/jesus-friendly bloog: www.jesusismyspringerfork.blogger.com

Well, I leave on Friday...what's today, Tuesday? It's going to be a rather long trip...it usually is. The only thing to look forward to is a 6 hour layover in Vegas, which really, unless you are a resident of Las Vegas or Nevada, ANY amount of time in that hell-hole should be considered a layover.

Then, on to Calgary, where I'm sure to be hassled by Border Patrol and Custom Agents, up my ass with a flashlight, trying desperately to find something, ANYTHING to give me grief about.

"This your toothbrush? Who else has been using it?" God, nobody I hope, but I really can't say for sure. Why don't you wipe it off with one of your swabs then toss that bitch in the garbage, cuz I'll be damned if I'm going to use it after your grubby hands have been all over it. Better yet, hang on to that. Ball sweat is not the easiest of films to wash out of your mouth, eh?

Then, onto Saskatoon, home sweet home. I can't wait. It's going to be unbelievable in a very big way. It's been so long since I've wanted to get out of the country and be with April, not in that order.

Well, It's St. Patty's Day, I'm not wearing green, and should consider smoking a cigarette before starting work. Ah, cigarettes...I'll miss you most of all. More on that later.

Later.